March 24 Journal Entry

Thoughts while spending contemplation time during the retreat.

For the last few years I have been super into manifesting and finding clarity around what one wants in order to attain it. More recently I made a list about what/who I want my next partner to be/be like. It’s a great list.  Back home, the more I interacted and dated, the clearer I became about what I want and don’t want, so the list grows. As I continue to meet people more recently, I have started to question this list. Not all of it, just some parts. For example, previously I dated someone super tall, I have never really hung out with someonethat tall before, and I thought it was awesome, so I put it on the list. Through my travels (and life in general), I have met a significant amount of not tall people (we are talking 6’6”) and they have a lot of the qualities that I am seeking and this has had me question my list and therefore, my advice to others. So the questions flow – how much of this is superficial? Like why tall? What am I looking for? How important are physical aspects as compared to the deeper stuff? Is deviating from the list a cop out and fear that stems from being alone? OR am I closer to discovering who is right for me, even if they don’t completely fit the list? Is the list person out there?

Which brings me back to a lesson in patience. In slowing down. In knowing. AND yet brings up more question… Trust. Go with the flow. Be in the present. Enjoy. Faith. How fucking hard is it to do those things… lol? Depends on my vocabulary, I guess.