I was on the last leg of flights yesterday and decided to journal about how chill of a person I am. Like I do get upset sometimes and angry, but I hold it inside. I don’t often tell or tell people I am upset and I don’t think many people in this world have seen me show those types of emotions. Yet, I guess it is time to stop stuffing. After travelling for 27 hours we arrived at the resort and as great as they were, they were not organized. We had an hour and a half check in and at the end of it all, I was theonly one that didn’t have a room. I was tired, wanted to shower and unpack and eat and go to bed. The people seemed very rigid on their policies and rules and I was feeling frustration inside, but didn’t want anyone to see it. So I kept smiling.
I waited quite a while for my room and eventually went to dinner where we found out that a $10 bottle of wine is $95. Really? I am frustrated and now I can’t drink? Prosecco has been my friend for the last few months and I quickly realized a coping mechanism. But that’s ok, just keep smiling. What’s the lesson here for me??? I mean I could drink. It is just really pricey.
Next day. I have to move rooms now and they still don’t have vouchers made for me so that I can eat. It’s ok they tell me and off to the restaurant I go where they refuse to let me eat. Omfg. Really? Mary Penhall Freeman, the sweetest person ever gives me some acknowledgement and I share my journal entry and my lessons in all of this. Some amazingcoaching offered by my new partner in crime Yogi Will, and I recognize that this is the next part of me to be healed. The anger bit. The self love. With a lack of beat up. And yet still being heard.
And I did. I felt and acknowledged that I have anger in my body. I recognized that I have spent so many years trying not to be my Mom. My little girl also had to hide emotions to be strong. To not be angry. To not let anyone see her sweat, or cry, or get mad. To not let anyone know that their words hurt or affected me. And I am grown now. I have emotions. And things hurt me sometimes. I have even cried once or twice…. in the last week. Lol. It’s time for me to feel. It’s time for me to share. It’s time for me to heal.